Dear Men, Here’s How to Add Real Value to a Woman’s Life

Forget what you learned; here’s what actually matters.

A friend told me she wouldn’t have a man in her life unless he added value to it. I paused at that. What does it mean for a man to add value? The phrase felt elusive, like a word in a foreign language I thought I knew but actually didn’t. And I realized…maybe most men don’t know how to add value to a woman’s life and maybe I don’t know anymore either. Because we’re all fed this same tired recipe of money and physique—the devils' numbers: six figures, six-pack, six inches.

I wince.

So I asked myself what “value” means to me. I thought about my life, the simple, essential things I savour: cooking Italian food, listening to old records, baking cookies late at night, having ridiculously long conversations. It’s not as complicated as we make it out to be, is it?

But adding value to a woman’s life has little to do with money and height, and if that is her focus… she might be a really terrible person to begin with. In Hollywood, I see women parade around with 6'4" men with chiseled jawlines in half suits like they’re some prized fish they caught but they’re allergic to seafood—and then wonder why it doesn’t work.

However that has never been me and after much journalling and wandering around my apartment I’ve come up with a pretty tight list that should give some of you pause. It may not be relevant to everyone but I think these are the core things that any man can bring to the table, no matter the balance in his bank account or his shoe size.

1. Emotional Depth — Not solving everything. Just listening. The quiet strength in being with someone who hears you, really hears you. I’ve learned that listening is a kind of art.

2. Intellectual Stimulation — Curiosity, boundless and shared. Not the kind that withers but the kind that grows: a curiosity about life, yourself, each other. Curious people never run out of things to talk about, to discover together. Curiosity is a sign of intelligence, not a distraction from it.

3. Consistency — Not just in showing up but in communication. Being dependable doesn’t mean you’re always the same; it means you’re there, keeping your word, making the world just a little less chaotic.

4. Creativity — Whether that’s painting, accounting, designing, or loving dogs. Someone who supports whatever your secret sauce is, your way of creating in the world.

5. Trust — The courage to be honest, even when it’s hard. Trustworthiness isn’t something you can fake; it’s the kind of thing that shows up in a person’s eyes, in their timing.

6. Humor — Someone who can find laughter even in the grimness of an ER room, when nothing’s certain and yet, they make you laugh.

7. Shared Vision — Moving in the same direction. You can have the best conversations in the world, but if you’re not going to the same place, you’ll never really get there together.

8. Stability — Grounding energy. Sometimes, I am the calm in the storm, but there’s something grounding about a partner who knows how to steady the ship too.

9. Mutual Growth — Growing beside each other, encouraging each other to become better versions of yourselves. Not staying stagnant.

10. Companionship — A simple enjoyment of life together, even in the pauses, the silences. Life as company, not complication.

11. Emotional Intelligence — Being able to sit with complex feelings, yours and theirs, without needing to explain them away.

12. Inspiration — Someone who lights a little spark in you to keep growing, without making it a requirement or condition.

13. Play — A sense of wonder about the world, a sense of play about us, together. Holding onto that small thrill of not knowing everything and being okay with it.

I don’t know why these things seem so complicated. But here we are. And what do women have to offer? More or less the same but I’m not ready to share those secrets yet. Just know the above list is an invaluable guide.

From the void,

NS

P.S. While this piece speaks from a heterosexual perspective, the values here are for everyone. Connection, respect, and depth are universal, so feel free to read on, no matter how you identify.